Everything connected to mindset or mindfulness is very popular these days. And sure, why not, but this is not one of these posts. There will be no crystals, no cosmic energy, not much of law of attraction nor manifestation. Sorry. This is all going to be about the mommy mindset.
So moms need to work on their mindset too?
Whenever I introduce myself and am saying that I work with moms on redefining their mindset I see this look. The look saying “whaaaaat”? And when I go into explaining what mindset work is, I am usually stopped and the confusion is cleared: it’s the mom part they don’t get.
First of all, I consider this question in the headline almost offending. But I know most of the people asking doesn’t mean it that way. So maybe let’s start from the beginning.
How to define this famous mindset?
Exactly like the word says – it’s the setting of our minds. It’s how we perceive the world and incoming information, how we react to them, our attitude, and our inner monologue.
It’s said that mindset is created for us through the culture, upbringing, experiences, education. It is formed in our childhood and then impacts our beliefs, thoughts, and in the end – our actions.
Does the mindset really matter?
Well, even though many would say it’s as real as tarot cards reading, scientists actually appreciated the power of mindset for example while researching the placebo effect.
I don’t want to bore you with details, but as a psychologist, I find it fascinating. Dr. Fabrizio Benedetti’s study focused on how patients after surgery react to painkillers. He found that patients who see that they are given the medicine, report significantly less pain than the ones who were given it via IV right after surgery (patients were still unconscious).
If you expect wellbeing and you set your mind to wellbeing there is a higher chance that you will get it!
Why “mindset WORK” and what are the benefits?
(Let’s just make sure we are on the same page. I understand “mindset work” as a specific action taken by a person to improve their mindset and shape it the way they want it to be.)
The mindset is quite a fixed frame. But it’s not unchangeable. You can intentionally change your mindset, your life experiences can change it too. It doesn’t come easy though – you will meet resistance. If for a long time you believe in something, it’s not easy to let it go.
Hence the work. If you want to change (or ekhm, redefine) your mindset you need to work on it. Think athletes. Their training focuses on their health and being fit in general, on the particular discipline they chose, their diet and…? They need years of mental conditioning to build up mindset strong enough to fail again and again, and then get up and try… again. Psychologists work with professional athletes all the time and they focus exactly on that – on mindset.
Now let’s get back to moms, shall we?
Has motherhood taken a toll on you?
Let’s be honest and I don’t sugarcoat it – from childbearing, through toddler’s temper tantrums up to teenager’s drama and so on, motherhood is stressful.
You feel it in your lower back, you feel it in every headache. Sleepless nights, constant dinner-dishes-laundry marathons, emotional roller-coasters (do you want me to continue?) fill your day.
All of that with social expectations that you will do it patiently, with a big smile on your face and looking like a supermodel.
Being overwhelmed, tired, feeling inadequate is so common that soon may become a norm. That is alarming but frankly, it doesn’t have to be like that.
Because with help may come <drum rolls> the mindset work. Mommy Mindset Work. Is it any different than “a regular one”? Yes and no. Yes, because coaching moms and coaching businessmen or sports champions or children will not look the same. They have different needs, opportunities, and conditions of work. No, because the mechanisms are similar whoever does the work.
What can your mommy mindset do for you?
The attitude you start your day with can change the way your day will go. That makes sense, right? But what kind of attitude can have a woman who was woken up by a screaming baby at 2 am and maybe at 4 am too?
You see, the true power lies in controlling, influencing your own mindset. Take it even a step further.
Redefine your mommy mindset.
This gives you inner peace in the moments you need it.
Do a simple experiment at home. For one day count the episodes when you lost your patience, when you wanted to give up, when your inner voice told you “you’re not good enough”, when you were overwhelmed, sad. When you felt disappointed because you were supposed to be the fun mom, but in your opinion, you’re not. Maybe you have an estimated number in your head?
Would you like this number to be lower?
In my humble opinion, you can redefine your mommy mindset. You get to create your own success. And believe me: there’s a formula for that. I believe in a process that can help you. Depending on your personality it can take weeks or months, but your mindset can be changed and can be your friend instead of being your own limitation.
If you want to be happy – you can be happy.
But it will not happen on its own.
In opposition to what you maybe hear lately, I don’t think the universe is just waiting to fulfill your dreams. You just need to say it out loud or write it on the post-it and stick to your mirror. No. I think you need to actively pursue your happiness.
And mindset is the way.
All great, so where is a trap?
There is no trick or trap but there is an important condition. Your current mommy mindset will not just go away because you want to change your life, because you want to be a happy mommy.
If you want to redefine your life you need to:
- make a decision,
- probably learn something new,
- make a plan and
- take action.
Those are 4 steps that are necessary and unfortunately often not welcomed by your ego.
Don’t get me wrong, but redefining takes guts!
It’s easy to say “new year, new me”, “I will change my life, starting today!”. Great! Where did this ever take you?
Redefining mommy mindset is a step by step process, not quick and radical, but consistently progressing.